


I Fool Myself

by ngm



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Slow Burn, Tsundere Bruce, Vampire AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-12 01:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10479387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ngm/pseuds/ngm
Summary: Based on one of the more recent @gayforbatjokes / @bernieloverstuff page for her Vampire AU -- this story is a quick little angst piece about Bruce being unable to cope with J feeding off of someone else.https://gayforbatjokes.tumblr.com/image/158896051608





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bernieloverstuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bernieloverstuff/gifts).



Bruce growled at himself, looking at the tie coiled on the floor and let out a breath that only emphasized how much his chest ached.

  
The green and purple argyle, discarded, piled on itself and the half-vampire couldn't bare to see it on the ground. He snatched it back up, his stomach lurching as he held it between his two hands, twisting it, stroking the cloth as if in apology.

Why was he feeling this pain?

Why did he have to care at all?

He lay back on his bed, tongue pressed to the roof of his mouth, eyes squeezing shut as he brought the tie to his face and shakily breathed in. He'd DESTROYED his room; a table that he'd actually quite liked sat in splinters, every mirror he'd had was shattered, the drapes had been torn off half of the windows and he felt no better for the localized chaos he'd caused. He felt no less agony.

How could he... Just... RRRGH!!! Bruce picked up one if his pillows and tore it in half, offended down feathers floating at their own leisure around him, covering the bed, the floor. He batted at the whiteness, another aggravated sound trapped in his throat but leaving his lips as a whine.

This was pathetic.

He was pathetic.

His stomach ached and he curled on his side... Bruce was thirsty. The stock bagged blood he had been consuming was no longer sating his needs and to watch his belo-- to watch the clown just... openly turn to that big, dumb, arrogant, mask wearing motherfucker and-- and

He couldn't even THINK about it without another hoarse scream shredding from his throat and shifted to flop onto his back gracelessly, wrapping the much-loved cloth around his right hand and wrist, which he draped over his eyes as he forced himself to think of anything else.

Think about how much money it is going to cost to sort all of this mess.

Think about finding an alternative source of richer blood.

Think about --

_"Me?"_

Bruce sat bolt upright, his darkened eyes going wide, mouth agape as he stared at the vampire sitting casually at the end of his bed. One leg crossed over the other, no tie around his marble neck and a smile on his long lips.

  
"W...What the fuck are you doing here?" The unmasked Batman managed to ask, unable to alter the tone of his voice, not worrying at all about this man knowing he was Bruce Wayne, billionaire, and CEO. His brain wasn't there, he was stuck on how the hell he was just... here. Here!

  
_"You called out to me... so I came._ " The Joker murmured, leaning back on one arm then looking at his fingernails. He needed to re-do these tonight.

  
That couldn't be true... He couldn't be here but the desperate halfling stared at his mate, his knuckles cracking as he made a fist around the silk tie and guiltily hid his hand behind his back. His eyes narrowed at the green haired vampire, brow furrowing.

  
"I didn't... I wouldn't... What do you want from me?"

 _"Oh, Batsy... It's not me doing the wanting-- I mean, okay, well, it is, obviously I want you something *fierce* and might I add, are you not a goddamn *hunk*, look at you!"_ The clown laughed, _"Well, if you had any mirrors left, you could..."_ He added with a little smirk, shifting to sit facing the other vampire with his legs crossed beneath him. The older vampire folded his hands together, head tipped to the side and regarded the tank top wearing, basketball be-shorted creature.

  
_"What do you want from me, Bruce?"_ The clown asked and that was how the part-time vigilante knew that he was dreaming, or something. The Joker didn't know who he was, wasn't aware of his identity that he knew and knowing the vampire, there was zero chance he wouldn't abuse the power that came with that knowledge.

"I want..." He growled.

His bed was so... big and tonight, he was quite grateful for the distance. Rationally, again, the Joker couldn't be here, but he appeared to be and the space between them was enough to keep Bruce from reaching forward and actually trying to touch him.

 _"Oh, don't bother... I'm just in your head..."_ The clown murmured with a chuckle, shifting positions again to lie across the foot of the bed, propping himself up with one hand under his head.

  
"That explains a lot." The younger, halfling said tartly, eyes narrowing at the green haired vampire.

_"Shh, shh, I'll explain it later, there is a lot you apparently don't know."_

"No kidding," Bruce growled, lying back against his pillows. He was such a fool. Such a child and now this manipulator supreme could see what chaos he'd inadvertently caused.

He probably --loved it.

 _"What do you want, Bruce?"_ The Joker asked again, his head tipped coyly to the side as he smiled adoringly up at the other man.

"I want this to stop!!! I don't want to need you anymore!" He growled out, throwing the tie at the Joker, who, oddly enough, caught it. The clown smiled, bringing it to his lips and gazed over his hand to the youngling, who looked like he was bordering tears.

It really was almost kind of sweet to see his Bats so worked up. So sensitive... That would be a fun thing to work out... Mmh. Boy, did he have a lot to learn...

 _"Why do you need ME?"_ The clown murmured, now turning to lie on his back, stretching his arms out above his head, letting the tie dangle close to his nose.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY I NEED YOU!!!" Bruce roared, leaning forward on his arms to shout directly at the seemingly calm vampire. "I can't stand it... I can't HANDLE it!" He growled. "I have NEVER needed anybody. Ever!!! And I didn't intend to start needing YOU, but now I can't sleep! I can't eat! I can't THINK about anything but YOU!!!!" He was kneeling now, hands balled into fists, slamming into the tops of his thighs for emphasis. "And YOU! You're just... just... feasting on whoever the HELL you want!" His head fell defeatedly, spikes of black falling over his face as he tried to compose himself yet again.

Why did it have to be like this?

Was this love?

Was this the agony of wanting somebody so badly that you started needing them? Irrationally? Hopelessly?

"I just... want this to stop..." He moaned, voice breaking. Bruce shifted to sit back, heels of his hands going to his eyes as he smashed them into his orbital sockets.

 _"It's never going to stop."_ The Joker breathed, still dangling the tie, blowing it away from his face when it got too close to his nose like it was a toy. _"We will do this dance forever, big boy. So, all of this... 'ugh' you're feeling?"_ He murmured, turning his head against the bedding to glance up at the other man. _"Get used to it, honey bunny, you're not the only one with the 'feels'..."_ The clown said with air quotes, then resumed playing with the tie.

"Bullshit. You don't feel like this." Bruce, pulling his hands away from his face to stare sullenly at the older vampire. "You couldn't--"  
" _\--Possibly know what it feels like to want something so bad that you'd destroy everything you have, to have it?"_ The Joker tipped his head back towards his Bat and smiled a wide smile, eyes shutting. _"Or, to be told regularly that the want that you have is false? That the yearning you feel is just a ruse to get a rise? That your love is a joke?"_ The clown sat up, sitting to face the other vampire, legs folded beneath him again. " _Oh nooo, I have no idea what that feels like..."_ He leaned an elbow on his right knee and put his chin in his hand as he gazed at Bruce. " _Y'know... to be put on a time limit to taste the thing you want most..."_

"You can have anybody."

 _"That, you are correct about. I CAN have anybody. See, unlike YOU, I don't really have the luxury of choice when it comes to what I can consume. Real, actual, human dna-structured blood is what I need, not your Capri Sun Tropical Pigs Blood bullshit..."_ The green haired vampire said with a wrinkle of his nose. _"And sometimes I have to take what I can get, lest I become weak and thusly weaken my clan..."_ Bruce blinked at him, eyes narrowing a bit as he listened. _"But I don't WANT just anybody, my darling... I want you."_

Eyes narrowing further, Bruce jutted out his chin, stubborn as fuck all, forever an always.

"Why?"

The Joker shifted, both hands cupping his chin, both elbows on both knees as he gazed at the big, blue-eyed dope.

_"I told you this already. I love you."_

Those words made a noise die in Bruce's throat and he stared at the other, shaking his head in denial.

"No... no... you can't love me."

_"I can."_

"WHY?"

The older vampire grinned a big, wide smile, eyes glittering he stared into the adorable, confused, puppy dog face of Bruce Wayne.

_"Why do the worms love the dirt? Why do the fish love the sea? Why do dogs love fire hydrants-- no really, that one has always bugged me..."_

Bruce's face went flat at that, brows furrowing in annoyance.

 _"You get what I mean... I don't have to give you a reason, do I? You're different. You're gorgeous. You are a challenge, however difficult for us that may be right now..."_ The Joker murmured, leaning forward and looping the tie around Bruce's neck, drawing him effortlessly closer.

He was startled but complied as he was pulled towards the other man, their faces inches apart.

 _"Do not forget this, Bats... Try as you might.. and try as *I* might... we are destined to be together... and there is nothing, not even death that will keep you from me... Do you understand, my love?_ " The Joker breathed, gazing down at the halfling under heavily lidded eyes.

Bruce nodded, eyes shutting for a moment as the clown grazed against his lips in a whisper of a touch -- and when he opened his eyes again, he was alone, the tie hanging across his shoulders, draped down his chest.

The youngling lay back, letting out a few deep breaths, feeling oddly... calm despite how surreal that had all been and shut his eyes; fingers deftly tying a half-Windsor knot. Bruce tightened the tie a little too tight, shifting amongst the goose down pillow innards that still lay across the bed and his blankets.

  
Maybe tomorrow things would be easier and Bruce wrapped a hand around the tie, letting out long, even breath as he shut his eyes and tried to force himself to rest.

 


End file.
